


Panta Robbery

by Kotonami_Yahiros_Slimy_Toes



Category: Danganronpa, Durarara, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, F/M, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Post-デュラララ!!×２ 結 | Durarara!!x2 Ketsu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22363222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kotonami_Yahiros_Slimy_Toes/pseuds/Kotonami_Yahiros_Slimy_Toes
Summary: Grape Panta up the ass was always a pleasant sensation.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, Kida Masaomi/Orihara Izaya, Kuronuma Aoba/Ryuugamine Mikado, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the Danganronpa parts, I'm thinking that V3 cast is in college-ish, and previous games are a few years older than them.
> 
> The Durarara parts are set a bit through SH. (Add +1 to their SH starting ages.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the nightmare begins...

Nagito was walking home, after he had finished his grocery shopping. He was excited, as always, to see Hajime, so he was enthusiastically walking down the street while thinking of him.

He spotted something on the ground that brought him out of his thoughts.

_What could it be?_

He picked up the paper on the ground. He examined it, and came to the conclusion that it was a lottery ticket.

_Ah, I'm so lucky to have found something as invaluable as this! I wonder if it will be the winning ticket... I'll try not to lose it...! Though I wouldn't be surprised if I did..._

He ended up tossing it somewhere in his room and forgot about it.

...Possibly because he was too busy getting fucked all the time.

A few weeks had passed, and Nagito was peacefully spending his time by watching TV with Hajime. He never really payed much attention, usually playing with Hajime's hair, seeing as nothing too interesting ever came on.

Until they started announcing the winners for the lottery for the ticket he had found.

"Hajime..."

"Yeah?"

"I found a lottery ticket a while back..."

He left to get it from the room.

"Now, the winner for 110,374,206,942 bottles of Grape Panta... ticket number 4444!"

Nagito checked his ticket.

"Oh, that's me," Nagito said casually, because he's a lucky bastard, and these things happen often for him.

"Well," Hajime started,

"Where are we going to put 110,374,206,942 bottles of Grape Panta?"

* * *

"Ouma... we are not stealing Panta."

Shuichi looked at his boyfriend and sighed, slightly exasperated, tired by the entire situation.

It was a weekend, what was supposed to be a peaceful break from the hell that was school, but with Kokichi...

There's never time for peace.

"But Saihara-chan, it's loooot of Panta! How could they keep it all to themselves!? What are they even going to use it for, kinky sex?"

"It's not right to invade their privacy..."

Shuichi tried to push away all the unwanted mental images.

"...It's their's, so they are the ones to decide what to do with it. If they wanted to share, they would've offered."

"Who said it was their's? It's just something they won by chance! It might as well have been us!"

"No, we are not stealing from our friends, or from anyone," Shuichi stated firmly, making his final argument.

"Pleeeeaaaase!"

Kokichi pouted, stomping a little, trying to look cute. He looked up to Shuichi, making his eyes wide, and putting his hands closer to his face, trying to look smaller.

"Ouma... I said no..."

Kokichi gave up on trying to sway him with charm. It was time to be blunt, and he knew Shuichi's weakness.

He leaned over closer to Shuichi, flustering him a bit in the process. He brought his lips to his ear, and whispered clearly, getting straight to the point;

"If you do not help me rob the Panta, I will sexually neglect you for 69 days."

Shuichi cringed.

"...I'll help," he replied quietly, seeing there was no choice.

The last time that had happened, he almost ended up sleeping with Miu...

"Yay! I loooove you, Saihara-chan!"

Kokichi replied in a sugary voice, happy and satisfied now that the Panta was guaranteed.

Speaking of Miu, they needed her to help them with breaking in and carrying Panta. Miu, like Shuichi, didn't want to go, not because she didn't want to steal, but because she didn't care enough.

Kokichi convinced her by bribing her with the motor powered dildo he had stole from her a while back.

She insisted to bring her favorite sex toy, Kiibo.

They gathered in Shuichi and Kokichi's apartment to devise a plan.

* * *

"So, what else could we possibly need?"

Shuichi looked at the mess of items on the table. There was a dildo, a hydraulic press, crack, aphrodisiacs, and Kiibo's cock (that Miu had been quite persistent about), and other random bullshit they might need.

"You can never have too many fuckin' dildo-"

"No."

They sat in silence, thinking of anything they might be missing.

"I believe we might need camouflage," Kiibo stated, "There's a chance they will find us."

"How could we forget!? ...Maybe your head isn't just full of nuts and bolts, Kiibo!"

Kokichi sent the robot an evil look.

"Was that robophobia!? We do not condone that here, you are being disrespectful-"

Shuichi just sighed while Miu laughed at them.

After they had calmed down, they were faced with a simple question:

"How can we get camouflage?"

"..."

"..."

All four of them groaned in realization.

There was only one person that could help them with disguises, and they'd have to ask for her help, as much as they hated her:

Tsumugi.

* * *

"We really gotta see that Plain Jane psycho bitch?" Miu complained, lagging behind the group.

It would be dark soon if they didn't speed up.

"Yeah, can't we see someone else?" Kokichi added, mostly just to cause some fuss.

"I don't think we have any other options. According to my information bank, we don't know anyone else that could help us."

Kiibo would regret saying that in a few moments.

Deeply.

"That's a nice way to say 'We have no goddamn friends!' in robot, Kee-boy."

Of course, Kokichi would never give up a chance to harass the poor robot.

"Stop your robophobic remarks! And I believe that we do have friends. We are walking to their house at the moment!"

"Reeeaaally? Then why did we ask you guys for help and not anyone else? Why did you guys accept in the first place? Wouldn't that be because you have nothing better to do? Besides, we can hardly consider Hinata-san and Komaeda-san friends. We're walking to their house to rob them right now."

"Ouma, I-"

"Be quiet, we are almost there, and we'll bother the people in the neighborhood," Shuichi cut in, dissipating their argument.

The other three saw the street sign in the distance: "FUCK-YOU-AND-YOUR-PASTA AVENUE".

"Of coursed she'd live on some fuckin' ghetto street, just to spite us," Miu grumbled.

"I'd like to think that it's a coincidence," Shuichi sighed.

"I'd like to think it's not," Kokichi said in mild horror as he saw the adress Shuichi had stopped at;

666.

"...How did you even get her adress in the first place?"

He asked the question carefully, uncertain whether he wanted it answered or not.

"It involved summoning Satan and plenty of miserable souls, and ended with an exorcism," Shuichi replied vaguely, sighing yet again.

The sheer amount of bullshit he had to put up with for his gremlin of a boyfriend...

Could he go to jail for this...? Oh god...

"We just gonna fuckin' stand here or are we gonna go inside already!?"

Miu interrupted his thoughts.

"Do we absolutely have to see her...?"

"Yes."

Kokichi rang the doorbell.

No answer.

He rang the doorbell again.

And again.

And again.

"Fuck it," he muttered, and then proceeded to kick down the door.

See, Kokichi had a sort of Panta obsession.

Shuichi, Miu, and Kiibo were slightly horrified but didn't say anything.

"Who the fuck is it!?"

A loud but muffled voice came from inside the house.

Was that... metal?

"Get out here, Shitmugi!"

Someone ran to the door with a running chainsaw.

Upon seeing who was at the door, Tsumugi dropped the chainsaw.

"Oh. It's you guys. What do you want?"

All four of them stood there in a startled silence.

Kokichi broke it.

"W-we need your help," he replied, smirking a little, to try looking unaffected by whatever they had just witnessed.

"That's it? You only came here because you wanted something from me? You're not even here to entertain me?"

"We need something for Ouma's Panta heist. Don't try to refuse, or Ouma will gouge your eyes out with a melon baller."

"Fine. Come in, then."

She walked into her house, avoiding the sharp scraps of what used to be her front door, waiting for them to follow in.

Kokichi waltzed into her home with no hesitation. He would do just about anything for Panta, really.

He rest of them lingered a bit before walking in, mentally preparing themselves for whatever might be in Tsumugi's house.

Kokichi looked around Tsumugi's house as he walked to wherever Tsumugi was taking him. There was cloth and glue and wigs and other various cosplay material laid all around the house, and there were some... questionable things, too ( _Oh god, was that a giant gash in the wall?_ ), but overall it was a surprisingly normal house.

Save for the distorted screaming he could hear, coming from the souls of the damned.

"No surprise there..."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

* * *

When the rest of the group caught up, Kokichi was seated in a couch with a cup of tea, though Shuichi couldn't tell what type, he could see it was yellow. He was also seemingly unharmed, only looking a bit uncomfortable, probably from being in Tsumugi's house.

They got comfortable (as they could be in Tsumugi's house), and brought up what they needed.

"We need camouflage, to hide from them if they hear us."

Tsumugi went through her mental catalog of things she had.

"I think I can have camouflage done in a week at best..."

"Tommorow." was all Kokichi said.

Tsumugi rolled her eyes. She opened her mouth to say that she couldn't do anything about it, but then she caught Saihara looking at her with an expression that said " _Please he's going to go fucking rabid we don't have much time left_ ".

She sighed.

Then remembered that she did have something in their exact sizes...

"Well, lucky for you guys, I actually already have camouflage! Let me go get it..."

Tsumugi left the room to go and look for them.

She went into her room and unlocked a giant vault.

Inside were gold framed boxes made of polished, sparkling glass, all laid out in a line for hundreds of feet.

There they were. The maid outfits. Fit to the exact size of every single student in Hope's Peak.

Made using the most fine silk, and the most beautiful lace with incricate patterns...

They radiated a blinding light, a majestic sight compared to all the average stuff in the rest of the house.

Tsumugi walked down and started looking for each of their maid outfits, being careful not to mess anything up...

* * *

"Hey Ouma, what's that tea you're drinking?" Shuichi asked, trying to pass the time while waiting for Tsumugi.

"Do you want some? It's reeeeaaaally good!"

"I think I'm good..."

"Hmph! I wouldn't have given you some anyway! Tsumugi told me it was called Abbacchio tea, and that it's very special and only crafted by one producer... which I think was called... uh... Ta...? Tae-"

"Taitofan!"

Tsumugi's voice echoed through the room as she walked in, carrying their camouflage.

She handed them their maid outfits (and another one she had slipped in).

"How are these our exact measurements? ...Actually, never mind, I don't want to know the answer..."

Shuichi shuddered as he thought of Tsumugi making the disturbingly perfect outfits.

"Oh, you know," she laughed, even though everybody did, in fact, not know, that she had hacked into the schools information database and took all of their measurements just so she could indulge in her obsession.

It wasn't something she was particularly proud of.

(The outfits themselves, of course, she was definitely proud of.)

"Ok," she said, her voice glazed with fake sugar.

"Now get the fuck out of my house."

They gladly did, now that they had everything they needed, and because none of them wanted to stay at Tsumugi's house longer than they had to.

They were ready for tommorow's heist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha im actually done with the next 4 chapters but I havent typed and edited them hhhaa its kinda short lol
> 
> edit: New chapter 1 up! I finished writing it awhile ago but never posted it! I hope you can deal with my very messy writing schedule lol


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cock-itchy gon' get all that Panta B)

"BEEPITY BEEPITY BEEPITY MOTHERFUCKERS!"  
Kokichi woke up to his irritating alarm. 

It was 4:20 am 

"Shut the fuck up you cum dumpster!" he said to the alarm that Miu made for him. 

For some reason she programmed it with her voice, which made it 11037 times more annoying. Shuichi stirred next to Kokichi and grumbled at the miserable alarm. Shuichi was so done with the alarm that he smashed it into the ground then he smashed his boyfriend Kokichi in the same manner. 

"Bruuuuhh, why do you randomly fuck me!?" Kokichi pouted as they walked to Miu and Kiibo's house.

Well, Kokichi was limping, and Saihara was walking fine. 

"Now my ass is sore! How do I be agile and get panta now? That's a lie!" he grinned. "I'm perfectly fine!" lied Kokichi. 

"Hush Ouma, I'll carry you." 

They reached the house and rang the doorbell 420 times. 

"Damnit Iruma! It's 4:42 am! We're gonna be late!" Kokichi shouted, anxious to get his panta. 

Miu opened the door. 

"Sorry I was doing maintenance on Kiibo... You can come in now!" 

They came into the house and Kokichi rushed to the couch. He couldn't stand for much longer. 

"My ass hurts!" He whined. 

"Ouma be quiet..." Shuichi told him.

"No it's your fault that you fucked me at like 4:20 am!" 

Miu looked over to them with a devilish grin.

"OOOO Why? Did you wanna keep your pornhub account alive?" 

"Shut the fuck up you cum dumpster!" 

Kokichi was gonna be salty until he got his panta and forgot about everything else. 

'I swear, panta is spiked with aphrodisiacs and weed, just like Hinata's orange juice...' 

Shuichi remembered the last time Kokichi had some of Hajime's orange juice. He had walked into the house at 4:20 am and then try to rape him. 

"Hey, lets not waste more time and go," said Kokichi, anxious to get his panta. 

They changed into their maid outfits so they would go unnoticed. They walk to the Komahina house, it is only a few blocks away from their own. 

Once they get to the house, Miu picks the lock with a dildo. They quietly walk into the house, and wonder where Nagito would keep 110,374,206,942 bottles of grape panta. 

"My ass still hurts!" whined Kokichi.

"Ouma if you don't shut up I'll shove my foot up your ass!" 

"Ok damnit..." 

Thanks to their maid outfits, they moved swiftly through the house.

"Shit, I can't find panta anywhere!"

But then he spotted another room.

"There better be panta in there," Kokichi muttered. 

He slowly opened the door to a disturbing sight.

Nagito was tied to the bed by his wrists and ankles and Hajime was on top of him, holding a whip.

"Oh my god, that's some kinky shit right there-" said Kokichi, obviously disturbed and possibly scarred for life.

Chiaki was also watching them, hanging from a bedazzled meat hook on the ceiling.

"Um, Komaeda, Hinata... the door..." she said.

Hajime turned to see the 4 teens in maid costumes watching, walked over to the door, and closed it.

"Heeey! At least tell us where the panta is!" Kokichi whined.

Hajime ignored him.

69 minutes later, Nagito and Hajime walked out of the room, all sweaty and shit.

Nagito limped over to the couch to sit down. It was hard to walk because of all the fingers in his ass.

"Ah, my ass hurts Hajime." complained Nagito.

"OMG same, Saihara fucked me at like 4:20 in the morning." Kokichi said.

Kokichi joins Nagito on the couch and they sulk together.

"Whats wrong with Ouma?" Hajime asks.

"Oh, I smashed Iruma's alarm clock and then I smashed him."

The smug semes smirked at their "handywork" on the couch.

Miu laughed silently, because in a straight relationship, the male is supposed to be dominant or whatever. But Miu was the ultimate sexual whore, and Kiibo was innocent as fuck, she got to be dom!Miu. Then she felt bad for Nagito, so his clothes were all sweaty and shit. Then she remembered that she had something she could give him. 

“Oh Komaeda take this.” She pulled out the Nagito-sized maid costume and gave it to him.

“Why is this my exact size…?”

“Don’t ask.”

Nagito didn’t complain and he put it on because his clothes were all sweaty and shit. He looked more comfortable and fresh in his new outfit. Miu was satisfied and she smiled.

Then Hajime’s antenna perked up to show he was turned on by Nagito in a maid outfit. He tried to drag Nagito back to their room so they could go another round (poor Nagito), but Miu stopped him.

‘Maybe they’ll be gone by the time we’re done…”

“You aren’t getting away! Kokichi said he’d give me back my motor powered dildo if we helped him get panta, and I need that thing. And besides, look at poor Nagito, you fucked him so hard he could barely walk! And I’m not washing that maid outfit if you fuck it up!”

“Okay dammit, you could’ve just asked us! I’ll go get some…”

“Okay, but we’re keeping Nagito until you come back. We will follow you, and Kiibo will behind to watch Nagito.”

“Fine, but I’m warning you, the panta is in a disturbing place, we had no where else to put it…”

Shuichi picked up Kokichi bridal style and walked to Hajime. Hajime laughed and chuckled at the sight of the SHSL Supreme Leader, being carried by his sushi boyfriend.

“Laughs and chuckles, laughs and chuckles.”

“Shut up Ahoge boy, you weren’t fucked by your boyfriend at 4:20 because your dom!Hajime in this shitty fanfic!”

“Damn Kokichi… lets just go.”

He led them through a hallway until they reached a door.

“I’m warning you, it’s not nice in there.”

Hajime opened the door, and there it was: the sex dungeon.

“Oh god, why do you have a sex dungeon?” Asked Shuichi.

Kokichi didn’t care, he was too busy staring at the panta. It was stacked up 42 feet tall, and it filled the entire room.

"And why is your panta dungeon so big anyway…?"

"It doesn't matter. Okay, you can fit as much panta as you can fit in your ass," said Hajime, earning a glare from Shuichi.

"Okay!" Kokichi replied, completely ready to face the consequences.

"Kokichi no! These panta bottles are like-"

Kokichi cut him off before he could finish.

"So? Your dick is like 69 inches thick, and you fuck me randomly everyday!"

Then Kokichi started shoving panta bottles up his ass, and Hajime is disturbed. Miu joins in, and because she's a whore, she's very simulated.

"Ah... fuck me harder panta daddy, Oh hell yeah… aah… I'm shoving panta up my ass, I bet I could fit 69!!"

Meanwhile, Nagito and Kiibo were chilling on the couch. The silence was getting awkward, and Nagito wanted to break the tension. He searched for logical conversation topics.

"...Hi, your ass hurts too?"

"Yeah, Iruma-san keeps doing maintenance on me… She took off my dick the other day and fucked me with it. But she says it's for research purposes, so it's fine."

Nagito made a mental note to keep in mind that robots have dicks.

"What research purposes…?"

Kiibo's face fell into confusion, as he had never thought about it before.

"I don't know, but I trust her…"

"So… did you meet her anyway?"

Kiibo hesitated before giving a quiet response.

"Um, I met her in a strip club a few years ago."

"How and why did you get into a strip club?"

"Oh, Kokichi tricked me and Gonta into going."

That night just happened to be the same night Kokichi had gotten high off of panta. It was at a party, and Gonta and Kiibo had too much Hajime brand orange juice. Kokichi dragged them off to a gay strip club, and Miu was there in disguise. She found a drugged Kiibo and took him home.

Then they changed topics, and they talked about random stuff like blood blank and yaoi shit like Kizaya *cough cough* and time passed rather quickly.

"They've been gone for a while, how much panta can they fit up there…"

"Wait what!?"

"Nothing, but if they're able to clear that much panta, they might find HIM…"

_Word Count: 968_

_Date Published: 8 Feburary 2020_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter typed finally, I've written around 2 chapters ahead, but they aren't typed and edited tho :P Also haha this is unedited, i was lazy.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Alba and Mikado!!  
> Let the Durarara!! arc begin!!

Aoba had been trapped in the sex dungeon for 69 days. Nothing ever happens. Did they forget about him? In the past days, all Aoba had heard was Hajime dragging Nagito into the sex dungeon every week or so.

Why was he here, you ask? He was even the leader of the blue squares! He should be fucking Mikado right now!

But nooooo.

It all started with him going to Izaya's house. He just wanted to bother him because he hated Izaya so he went to Izaya's house, and broke in.

When he finished picking the lock, he saw Izaya and Kida making out.

So then he wanted to die.

"Oh god. Don't you guys have like a 7 year age gap!?"

"Age is but a number, young one..." said Kida.

"And why did you come to my house? Did you miss me?" asked Izaya, spreading his playboy everywhere.

"Actually no Aoba your trash fuck you."

So then Izaya opened a wormhole and yeeted him to the Danganverse. There, he woke up at Nagito and Hajime's house, and they decided to keep him. But then they found out how much of a bitch he was, so they locked him in the sex dungeon. When they got the Panta, they forgot about him.

So yeah, that's why he was here.

Aoba was dozing off again when he heard the door open.

"OOOOOOOO These two are at it again!! They're just like rabbits! No, like Shell and One!"

But this time the voices were different.

"Meh, who cares... I'll just sleep..." Aoba thought.

He awoke again to a sliver of light. Was the amount of Panta decreasing? He watched patiently and soon he saw a girl with hentai tentacle hair...

~

"!?"

Miu looked at the smol middle school boy, chained to the wall, and his skin was all red and shit.

"Hey who the fuck are you!?"

"Who the fuck are you?"

He tried to keep his attitude, but he was desperate to get out of here.

"I asked first."

"I asked secon- you know what, whatever, just please help me!"

"Okay fine. What's your name?"

"Aoba Kuronuma."

"Wow, what a crappy name. I'll call you blue-black bitch. I'll help you, but only if you come home with me and be my sex slave for like... a week or something."

"...Fine."

He was still chained to the wall, so Miu called Hajime to get him off the wall.

"Heeeeyyyy Hajime! I found blue-black and I'm gonna take him home! Can you help me get him off the wall?"

"Oh Aoba? He's in our sex dungeon?"

So then Hajime came over and unbonaged Aoba.

"Oh my god finally my wrists are fucking bruised that fucking hurted."

~

In a faraway place, actually, in another universe, at this time, Mikado was thinking.

'Where is Aoba? The last time I saw him was when he told me he was going somewhere, then left.'

It had been 69 days, and Mikado was getting worried.

'At this point, I feel sexually neglected... I just want to write on him with my new pen...'

So Mikado decided to look for Aoba. He brought his new, inky, smootu, and shiny pen, so he could attract Aoba to him when he was near.

...And because he was planning to fuck him the moment he found him.

He could almost hear Aoba's moans-

"OMG yes Garfield, Ah~! Write on me harder~!"

So then he opened the door to his apartment for the first time in 69 days, because Aoba and Kida are the only ones who can get him outside.

He was kind of pissed off. Why would Kida not force him outside? What was he doing? Was he cheating on him?

Well, Mikado was cheating on him with Aoba, but that was beside the point, he'd still be sad.

He decided to find the people that Aoba knew. Who could he go to?

How about Mairu and Kururi, they were Aoba's friends, weren't they?

'But I don't know where to find them...'

Then he thought of Izaya.

'He must know where his own sisters are!'

Izaya could help him! Because he was smart, helpful, resourceful, amazing, hot and se-

Mikado started walking to Izaya's house, because he might as well pay him a visit. It didn't occur to him that he should've called him beforehand to check, but at this point he was just super horny, so it didn't matter.

He really should have knocked. He barged into the house just to see Izaya and Kida fucking on the couch.

"OMG Ice daddy fuck me harder aaAAAaAaah~!" moaned Izaya, the universal uke.

Mikado was horrified.

"Kida, my man, how could you cheat on me?"

Kida rolled his eyes and glared at Mikado, still fucking Izaya.

"Take a look at **yourself**! You have that Alfredo Alba sucking your cock all day!"

"He doesn't just suck my cock! He also calls me Garfield!"

"That's not the fucking point!"

"Shut up, I don't have time for this!"

Mikado looked at the moaning mess that was Izaya and decided to talk to him anyway.

"Can you just help me find Aoba?"

Izaya silently opened a wormhole and threw Mikado into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I ACTUALLY UPDATED!?!??!?!?!!?  
> I know, and it's all thanks to my amazing s.o.✨✨


	4. Wow

New chapter 1 is up! You can read it by simply going to chapter 1 of this story- it's replaced the old chapter 1. I'm honestly pretty busy, but I'll try to finish this story soon. I can't promise any dates- but just know I will not let this story go unfinished.


End file.
